Tis the season to stay in your house y'all. It's cold outside. I could go on here about twinkling lights and such but let's talk about this list. I'm not usually one for lists, but I do appreciate a couch and a Christmas movie this time of year. There's no need for me to keep talking here so let's get on with it. These are in no particular order. Sorry, I know you were hoping for a countdown, but I told you I don't really do lists.
"I just like to smile. Smiling's my favorite."
Universally recognized as a modern classic by everyone who likes anything at all, Elf is the sweet story of a man who was raised at the North Pole by elves, but doesn't know he's an elf. When he finds out he's human he goes on a quest to meet his real dad. Really though the plot pales in comparison to Will Ferrell's straight up domination of the childlike character and his ability to make us laugh every 3 seconds, which when divided amongst the film's 97 minutes equates to approximately 1,940 laughs.
"You guys give up? Or ya thirsty for more?"
This list would not be complete without Home Alone. If this movie came out when you were a kid, how many times did you do the aftershave-face slap-scream bit just like Kevin? It almost got old, like the Ace Ventura "Alllllrighty thennn", but time has been graceful to Kevin McCallister and the movie holds up. We anticipate almost every line of this veritable quote feast, and still cringe when the Wet Bandits are dealt their deserved hands. It's good they conceived this plot in the pre-cell phone era, because the days of a probable home alone situation are long gone... just like Kevin's family!
A Christmas Story
"Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl."
Oh Ralphie, how you have sweetened our hearts for the last 31 years. Is it a coincidence that your movie was released in the same year that I was born to this earth? Maybe. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe we're kindred spirits. I did once receive a B.B. gun for Christmas. I never shot my, or anyone else's eye out, but I certainly thought I was as badass as you. Bonus trivia: Did you know Peter Billingsley, the actor who played Ralphie, also played Ming Ming the elf in Elf??
"I never liked a girl well enough to give her twelve sharp knives."
A strong contribution to the list of reasons why Bill Murray may be the greatest of all time. This film is one of many adaptations of Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", but in my humble opinion, it's the best one. This time Ebenezer takes the form of Frank Cross, a mean tightwad TV exec play by Mr. Murray. I don't know if it's just me, but it seems like this movie isn't as well known as it should be. I only discovered it last year, and let me tell you, life has been better since.
Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer
"Didn't I ever tell you about Bumbles? Bumbles bounce!"
It's cute, it's animated, and it's about Rudolph. That's a recipe for a sweetness coma if you ask me. Plus my wife says in college I looked like Hermey the elf. But I don't want to be a dentist. My favorite part? When Yukon Cornelius flickers his tongue on his pick to taste for gold. Bonus: This month marks the 50th anniversary of the film.
A Charlie Brown Christmas
"Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!"
Charlie Brown and I have one thing in common; we're tired of the materialism of Christmas. The other kids only care about presents and it drives Charlie nuts. Thank God for Linus who shuts everyone up by reading from the BIBLE! Are you kidding me? If you tried to do that in a Christmas movie these days you'd be accused of disseminating hate. Thanks Chuck Schultz for keeping it real.
"Yippee ki-yay motherf...." you know the rest
I know there are some haterz out there who will diagree with the Christmas classification that I've assigned to this one. This is one of the few VHSs that would be located in the Action Christmas section of your local video store. If you're anything like me, a red-blooded meat-eating beer-drinking American male with breath in his lungs, you'll agree that we're in dire need of new contributions to the Action Christmas section of the local video store. You still might agree even if you're a cold-blooded vegetarian vodka-drinking European. Hans Gruber?
The Nightmare Before Christmas
"What's this? What's this?!"
A tale of discovery and finding one's own true merit in relishing his own true self. Plus it looks freaking amazing! Ok my opening line probably didn't make any sense. Anyway here's to all the teen goths and soccer moms who love this film because, really, everyone loves it. And if they say they don't well then maybe I'm wrong. The animation and sets and puppets are so amazing I see something new every time I watch it. Apparently it took 100 people three years to make this movie. Great music too.
"It's a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club."
So the thing is here with this one, I'm not really all that familiar with NLCV. I mean I've seen it, sure, but it didn't stick. It has procured a spot here because Josh and Jasmine had me in a double headlock and threatened a swirly if I didn't include it. I'm embellishing a little bit.
How the Grinch stole christmas! (The old one)
"How could it be so? It came without ribbons!... It came without tags!... It came without packages, boxes, or bags!"
What can you say about this one really? A Dr. Suess story come to life through animation, isn't that every kid's dream? Or was up to 10 years ago. Now it's gidgets and gazmos and whozits and fudgets. Everything they want takes a humongous budget.... I think I'm getting cynical at 31. Is that bad? JK everybody.
Thanks for reading my list. If you want to contest any of my movies or want to contribute your own you can tweet me @dearadamsmith. Merry Christmas!